Dear Me,
I know you have fallen head over heels in love with Jesus. I’m so sorry to tell you that even in church, everyone is not in love with Jesus. That doesn’t mean that church is not a good thing, only that people have many different reason for going to the house of God. Some come out of religious habit, only hoping to miss hell. Some come because they have certain talents and the church is the only stage they can get. Some come because they’re tired of clubs and bars. It’s all good because sometimes, people meet Jesus unexpectedly along the way. Anywho, no shade, just facts.
When I was a kid, I would often hear my parents say, “If I only knew then what I know now.” I didn’t fully grasp what they meant then, but I often share the same sentiment now. I’d probably take the opportunity for a lot of “do-overs.”
If I had a chance to sit down with my new, baby Christian self and whisper in her ear, I’d begin with: Relax. Trust God. And trust yourself. Sure, church can be life-giving. It also can be confusing, frustrating, and discouraging, especially if you are a woman trying to own your faith and your gifts.
So, Me, here are the lessons I learned the hard way. Take heed and you’ll be OK.
- Character Matters
It’s easy to become enamored with gifts rather than the grace that is on a leader’s life. It’s easy to be captivated by the eloquent preacher, the dynamic teacher, the person who appears to “have it together”. But you can be sure of this: God is not impressed with the hype; God is moved by the heart.
Your leader’s character will shape your church culture and your life far more you realize. What he or she does outside of the pulpit will have a greater impact on you than a 45-minute sermon. For example, if your pastor gossips, you’ll become comfortable with gossiping. If he or she is manipulative concerning money or spiritual gifts, they will have no problem exploiting others for their own gain. If the fruit doesn’t reflect the heart of God, take heed.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. ~ Galatians 5:22-23
- Trust Your Gut
God gave you intuition for a reason. If something doesn’t feel right – a church, a relationship, a decision –- listen to that inner voice. Test the spirit. Does it line up with scripture? This is not living in fear, this is how you learn discernment. You can still be kind and gracious, but do not ignore the quiet whisper that God sometimes uses to warn us.
Test all things; hold fast what is good. ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:21
- Questions Are Dismissed
Curiosity is a gift from god. If you are teased or chided for having too many questions that’s a problem. Wondering and wrestling with scripture is how faith grows. God doesn’t call us to blind acceptance, we are called to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength. Questions are not the fuel of doubt. Instead, they propel us into greater faith and certainty.
If your leader frowns upon your questions or if you are told not to read certain books or listen to certain preachers, take pause. Pray about it and trust Holy Spirit to guide you through anything new and unfamiliar. Think critically through new ideas and doctrines and pray for revelation. God has got you cover and Holy Spirit will make it plain.
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. ~ (Matthew 7:7-8)
- Uncultivated Gifts
God has given gifts to the body for the edifying of the church. Your gifts were given to you for building up your brothers and sisters in the body, and God expects that you use them. If your leadership doesn’t cultivate and encourage the use of your gifts or they only want to use your gifts in service of their own agendas, it’s not just frustrating but you’re heading down a spiritual dead end.
Healthy churches cultivate the gifts in the body for the edifying and uplifting of the membership. If you are hiding your gift because it seems to have no place in your church, or your gift is simply ignored, it may be time to seek wise counsel and move to a place where your gift can be cultivated and used. God expects all believers to participate in God’s kingdom agenda.
This is why I remind you to fan into flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you. For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. ~ 1 Timothy 1:6-7
- Egalitarian Leadership
Representation matters. If women never speak, teach, lead, or preach in your church that is a sign that the church does not value God’s vision for women in ministry. God has never played favorites by gender. Before the fall in the garden, male and female humans had the same status as God’s image-bearers. They shared authority, responsibilities, and purpose. (Genesis 1:26-28).
In Christ, we are restored to that authority, responsibility, and purpose as was demonstrated by Jesus throughout his ministry and established in the post resurrection church in Acts. Of the Gospel writers, Luke especially highlights women from many social standings who operated in many roles and shows Jesus’ interaction with women was parallel to those of men.
There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. — Galatians 3:28
If you are looking for a church, find a place where there is a strong teaching and where prayer is a priority. That is how you will grow. Church is meant to be home for your soul. Look for a church where the presence of God abides. Don’t be afraid to check out churches that may not be your familiar denomination. Most of all prayerfully be led by the Holy Spirit. Remember most of all, that people are just people – they are fragile, they will falter, and they will need to be forgiven. Just. Like. You.