Psalm 55:22
Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, so they say. However, the holidays for many are complex and complicated. While social media feeds, news reels, and advertisements are flooded with matching family pajamas and joyful reunions, many are overwhelmed by strained family relationships, toxic interactions, empty seats at the table, or they find themselves alone and lonely. Everyone may be rocking around the Christmas tree, but that’s not your jam this season. That is just not the song your heart is singing.
Maybe there’s an empty space on the fireplace where your Christmas stockings hang. The first holiday season after losing someone dear is a peculiar kind of ache. (Ask me how I know.) There can be a deep sense of loneliness even if you are not alone. Seeing those “family goals” posts when you are single, far from home, or feeling isolated from or misunderstood in your own family can make you feel like you’re on the outside looking in.
Forget about the financial pressures of the season, especially if you have children.
With rising food prices, housing cost – well, everything is getting more and more expensive. The government is coming apart at the seams, and injustice seems to prevail… it’s a lot of weight to carry. The burden of it all can make the thought of “celebrating” seem petty and superficial.
If you’re feeling any of this, I want you to know you are not alone. Can we cancel Christmas? Just asking for a friend (wink). So many of us are smiling through the pain, putting on brave faces because, after all, it’s holiday time and that’s what you’re supposed to do. Let’s face it, there’s no need to sham, flimflam or bamboozle anyone because God knows exactly where you are. Your grief, anxiety, anger and emotional exhaustion – God sees it all and isn’t surprised by it one bit. In fact, struggling doesn’t invalidate you, your faith, or your commitment; it is an opportunity to come closer to the One who loves you, sees you, and knows you best.
So, how do we navigate this when it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, and we are too crushed in spirit to deck the halls? We go back to the source of our strength.
Here’s some wisdom for our weary hearts. The Bible isn’t a book about a bunch of happy campers singing kum-by-yah, it’s filled with real people who experienced deep sorrow, profound pain, and perplexity. Yet, they were able to find their footing and stand firmly on the promises of God. Here’s three things you can do to make it to the other side of darkness.
- It’s Okay Not to Be Okay.
You don’t have to force the joy that you do not feel. The Psalms are brimming with raw, real, honest emotions. The writers did not hesitate to pour out their grief, fear, and questions to God. Psalm 34:18 reminds us that God is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. God does not shun us in our brokenness. God draws near. So, tell God all about it. Let God know that your heart is broken, it hurts, and the last thing you feel like doing is celebrating.
- Trade Your Burdens for God’s Peace.
Grief, loneliness, financial worries, anxiety, and depression are heavy. It was never intended that you carry all of it alone. Jesus has issued an invitation to release your burdens that He might give you rest (Matthew 11:28). Jesus bids us to come to Him in prayer and give him all that concerns us. Visualize yourself handing every one of your problems over to Him and leaving them there. If necessary, do it again and again. Resting in Jesus doesn’t mean that you will be pain free, but you can experience a deep and profound peace in the midst of your struggles.
- Be On the Lookout for God’s Goodness.
Open yourself to having a greater awareness of God’s goodness around you. Ask God to allow you to see glimpse of His beauty and presence around you. The kindness of strangers. The laughter of children. The warmth and savor of your favorite cup of tea. Your favorite song. The glory of the sunrise. In Psalm 27:13, David said this, “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” Your “land” may seem overcome by darkness, but God is faithful to show you a glance of his goodness, even though it may seem small to you. It’s yours for the asking, just ask God to open the eyes of your heart.
Practically speaking, remember:
- You can break with tradition. If something is too painful, skip it. Give yourself some grace.
- Decide what your boundaries are and enforce them. You don’t have to attend every holiday gathering you’re invited to and meet everyone’s expectations. In every way possible, protect your peace.
- Talk to God about it and if you have a trusted friend, allow yourself to be vulnerable and share how you are really feeling. Talking about it will break the feeling of isolation.
Be reminded that Jesus is the reason for the season. Allow yourself to be enfolded in His love. Abide in Him. Be thankful that it is as well as it is. Talk to your children and see how they’re doing. They may not be as happy as you think they are. Holding space for them can be a blessing for you all. Whatever you choose, remember these two things: You are not obligated to perform, but be kind about it. Others may be feeling as overwhelmed and out-of-sorts as you are.
Know this for sure, I see you. I love you and your feelings are valid.
With love,
Simone